3rd
NCIS
Navy Criminal Investigative Service? I think not. Instead they should call it Your Grandfather Was Right About Everything (Except Maybe Racism, Unless It’s Directed Toward Arabs).
If you like this show, you are probably either very old or suffering some kind of serious mental handicap. Either way, you should see a doctor as soon as possible.
The creators of the show never bothered to develop any characters, so I haven’t bothered to learn their names, nor have I looked up the names of the actors. There’s Old Guy, who sometimes get really mean just like grandpa, Kooky Alternative Girl, who nonetheless represents and upholds government authority and traditional social mores, Smirky Guy, who is smirky, British Medical Person, who is a little bit creepy and has an irritating accent, and Other Female Character, who is the other female character.
Why someone decided to have a show about the Navy Criminal Investigative Service is beyond me. There must have been a contingent of nursing home residents who were very sad when JAG was cancelled.
At any rate, for a show that involves so much murder and mayhem, it’s awfully slow-paced and boring. It is also painfully patriotic, frequently referencing Gitmo without so much as an eyeblink about the human rights abuses going on there. It’s like 24 for people with heart conditions.
Old Guy is the protagonist, and you can tell that he’s worked up about something because he yells alot and engages in mild cursing. Again, kinda like grandpa. For Old Guy, “ass” is a major swear word, only to be taken out of the glass case in the event of emergencies.
In one episode, we begin with a father and son playing golf. The father is career military, highly placed, possibly a general. He’s about to have to go back to Iraq. The son is about to go to Princeton. The father is trying to putt out of a sand trap, and on the first swing he explodes. Literally explodes.
The biggest problem I see with the series is that it’s not awful enough to be funny, just awful enough to be awful. Walker Texas Ranger is like a thousand times better.
Also, it gives Dick Cheney a hard-on, so that’s like three war crimes. If you’re watching this show regularly, don’t complain to me later that you got sent to the Hague.
